How To Kiss

November 6, 2019 | Veronica Litt

How To Kiss


“You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how.”—Rhett Butler to Scarlett O’Hara, Gone With The Wind

When music swells and bosoms heave, a great cinematic kiss is just around the corner. But divorced from Hollywood-enhanced atmospheres, kissing runs the gamut from strange to fully gross. There is a world of difference between the greatest kiss to ever grace our TV screens (Nick and Jess in New Girl; do not @ me, this is the hill I die on) and the drunk couple tonguing on public transit.


How To Kiss

Everyone wants to ensure that when the crucial moment comes, we imitate the greats and avoid the full-body cringe of a kiss gone wrong (Michael Scott slowly leaning into innocent, unwilling Oscar Nunez). While kissing is an inherently tactile or, after so many romcoms, visual act, writing about kissing may seem like a doomed endeavor. Even so, I live to please. In this article, I’ll go over the basic rules of tonsil hockey and fill you in on the long, wet history of sucking face.

How To Kiss EditorialThe Office,

A Kiss Is Not A Contract

First things first, only kiss people who want to be kissed. Though we all learned to love him over eight seasons, this is not the place to emulate Michael Scott. “But how do I figure out if someone wants to be kissed without ruining the atmosphere with a direct question?” you ask.

Asking if you may kiss someone can be cute, hot, polite, or a glorious mush of all three, so check those worries at the door. And while I personally may have all the subtlety of a freight train, I hope to help the shyer among us. There are plenty of ways to coyly test the waters before going in with a gaping maw.

Hold their hand. Stroke their arm. If you want to channel a Bond villain and brush their face with the back of your hand, that also works. Lean in slowly, Hitch-style. Go 90% of the way and wait for your partner to complete the other 10%. If, during any of these activities, the apple of your eye seems shifty and uncomfortable, wait a minute. Maybe try again after the next date, if one should occur.

TL;DR: Kissing is fun when both people want to lock lips.

How to Kiss EditorialShutterstock

Factinate

Sign up to our newsletter.

History’s most fascinating stories and darkest secrets, delivered to your inbox daily. Making distraction rewarding since 2017.

Thank you!
Error, please try again.

A Kiss Is Just A Kiss

Kissing is more about preparation and attitude than any specific technical skill. My two biggest tips are to pop a mint and relax. Nerves kill the mood way more than imperfect technique. Go slow, don’t try any crazy moves on your first rodeo, and follow your partner’s lead. If you want to introduce new acrobatics, do so in a tentative, respectful way, and be ready to back off if your partner doesn’t reciprocate and/or seem enthusiastic.

It’s best to keep it simple at the start. You don’t have to pucker up for a kiss dryer than desert sand, but there’s no need to go in with your tongue flapping wildly or your canines out for a misguided attempt at a sexy nip. For early dating kisses, prioritize lips, not tongues and teeth.

How to Kiss EditorialShutterstock

The Nitty Gritty on Kissing; or, a Strange Foray into Panini Presses

I warned you: writing about kissing is gross so for what happens next, I am sorry. But in my defense, there are enough vague articles with general kissing tips like “believe in yourself!” and I’m actually trying to help you with some real talk.

If you’re trying to visualize the nitty-gritty mechanics of kissing, you might want to think about a panini press. Gently use your upper and lower lip like the griddle and roof of the press, while one of your partner’s lips is the panini inside. I specify one of their lips because trying to, like, chomp down on their whole mouth is a bad idea.

If all goes well, you’ll probably repeat variations of the kiss-panini by swapping the roles of press and toasty sandwich throughout the duration of the smooch. The beauty of this panini simile brings a tear to the eye and a Pulitzer to my name, I’m sure.

How to Kiss EditorialShutterstock

Advertisement

The Long, Wet History of Kissing

People have been kissing since at least 1500 BCE, with the first recorded lip lock occurring in a Vedic Sanskrit text. And furthermore, in a primo example of first-thought-best-thought, I have to note that this early kiss wasn't some boring peck, but full-on open mouth action. Get it, historical kissers.

After this tonsil hockey breakthrough, kissing spread far and wide. It was featured in ancient Egyptian poetry, the Kama Sutra, the Old Testament, and soon enough Roman laws. As for how the kiss managed to traverse time and space, some historians think that we have one man to thank. Alexander the Great may have learned about kissing while conquering India and, being kind of a horndog, brought the practice all over his not-insignificant amount of ancient Fit Bit steps.

Queen Olympias factsAlexander (2004), Warner Bros.

How To Kiss: Learn From The Best

Writing about kissing can only get us so far. For extra credit, I recommend studying the greats in action.

Here are some 10/10 kisses to emulate:

  • Devlin (Cary Grant) and Alicia Huberman (Ingrid Bergman)’s chatty kiss(es) in Notorious.
  • Spiderman (Tobey Maguire) and Mary Jane (Queen Kirsten Dunst)’s acrobatic kiss in Spiderman. (PS: This kiss perfectly illustrates my patent-pending Panini Press method!).
  • Peter Kavinsky (Noah Centineo) and Lara Jean Covey (Lana Condor) put the “hot” in “hot tub” in To All The Boys I Loved Before’s swoon-worthy kiss scene.
  • Kevin (Jharrel Jerome) and Chiron (Ashton Sanders) share an incredibly tender first kiss in Moonlight (heads up, this one gets a little NSFW).

How to Kiss EditorialMoonlight, A24, 2016

What makes these kisses so good? The magic of cinema helps, but it’s really the emotional connection between the characters. These people want to kiss each other! Let this be a lesson unto you: if you have that key component, the rest will fall into place.

For those who worry that this could not possibly be true in the sublunary world of Tinder and her depressing kin, try not to freak out. Kissing is an improvable skill. So long as you aren’t channeling the Vogelcheck family, you’re probably doing just fine.

Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11


More from Factinate

Featured Article

My mom never told me how her best friend died. Years later, I was using her phone when I made an utterly chilling discovery.

Dark Family Secrets

Dark Family Secrets Exposed

Nothing stays hidden forever—and these dark family secrets are proof that when the truth comes out, it can range from devastating to utterly chilling.
April 8, 2020 Samantha Henman

Featured Article

Madame de Pompadour was the alluring chief mistress of King Louis XV, but few people know her dark history—or the chilling secret shared by her and Louis.

Madame de Pompadour Facts

Entrancing Facts About Madame de Pompadour, France's Most Powerful Mistress

Madame de Pompadour was the alluring chief mistress of King Louis XV, but few people know her dark history—or the chilling secret shared by her and Louis.
December 7, 2018 Kyle Climans

More from Factinate

Featured Article

I tried to get my ex-wife served with divorce papers. I knew that she was going to take it badly, but I had no idea about the insane lengths she would go to just to get revenge and mess with my life.

These People Got Genius Revenges

When someone really pushes our buttons, we'd like to think that we'd hold our head high and turn the other cheek, but revenge is so, so sweet.
April 22, 2020 Scott Mazza

Featured Article

Catherine of Aragon is now infamous as King Henry VIII’s rejected queen—but few people know her even darker history.

Catherine of Aragon Facts

Tragic Facts About Catherine of Aragon, Henry VIII’s First Wife

Catherine of Aragon is now infamous as King Henry VIII’s rejected queen—but very few people know her even darker history.
June 7, 2018 Christine Tran



Dear reader,


Want to tell us to write facts on a topic? We’re always looking for your input! Please reach out to us to let us know what you’re interested in reading. Your suggestions can be as general or specific as you like, from “Life” to “Compact Cars and Trucks” to “A Subspecies of Capybara Called Hydrochoerus Isthmius.” We’ll get our writers on it because we want to create articles on the topics you’re interested in. Please submit feedback to contribute@factinate.com. Thanks for your time!


Do you question the accuracy of a fact you just read? At Factinate, we’re dedicated to getting things right. Our credibility is the turbo-charged engine of our success. We want our readers to trust us. Our editors are instructed to fact check thoroughly, including finding at least three references for each fact. However, despite our best efforts, we sometimes miss the mark. When we do, we depend on our loyal, helpful readers to point out how we can do better. Please let us know if a fact we’ve published is inaccurate (or even if you just suspect it’s inaccurate) by reaching out to us at contribute@factinate.com. Thanks for your help!


Warmest regards,



The Factinate team




Want to learn something new every day?

Join thousands of others and start your morning with our Fact Of The Day newsletter.

Thank you!

Error, please try again.