“No one gossips about other people’s secret virtues.” ― Bertrand Russell,
“It is always assumed by the empty-headed, who chatter about themselves for want of something better, that people who do not discuss their affairs openly must have something to hide.”
― Honoré de Balzac,
People who go into the teaching profession hoping to make a positive influence on the lives of children sometimes end up getting more out of it than they bargained for. As everyone knows, kids say the darndest things! Whether it’s unwittingly sharing personal and private information about their parents or revealing the gory and sometimes creepy details of their peers’ extracurricular interests, teachers often have a front row seat for some epic eavesdropping. Here’s what teachers had to say about the juiciest gossip they’ve ever overheard from students.
20. Kids Can Overhear Things Too
A couple of weeks ago one of my second graders was crying so some of the other kids in the class went over and asked what was wrong. Turns out her parents were getting a divorce because her dad was “messing around with four other women and one of them is having another baby.” Those were her exact words. I don’t even want to know what else that poor kid had to overhear.
19. She Who Smelt It, Dealt It
My mom is a teacher. She said her students complained about how the math teacher passed gas in front of them. The students laughed which infuriated the teacher and she told them if nobody would take responsibility for it she would keep the class after school because it was not her that farted.
None of the students took responsibility for the loud noisy smell so the students missed their buses that day.
18. Swing Low, TMI Chariot
I posted this before, but it fits better here.
I was in the back of the room looking for something in a cabinet. Two girls were having a conversation. They were oblivious I was there.
Girl 1: “So they, like have sex at a party?”
Girl 2: “All the time. It’s called Swinging. They think I don’t know but I found stuff on my dad’s computer.”
Girl 1: “That’s so weird.”
Girl 2: “Right? I have to go spend next weekend at my grandma’s because there’s going to be a party at my house.”
17. Last Names Never Lie
The students told me that Mrs. Spanish Teacher’s baby was Mr. Spanish Teacher’s. They went on to tell me that the two teachers had been caught doing the nasty in the library by a student. The saddest part was that they were both married to other people, and Mr. Spanish Teacher and his wife had decided that they weren’t going to have children—his wife wanted kids, he didn’t. The baby had his last name, so any kid who didn’t already know knew as soon as the baby was born.
16. Getting a Little Too Personal
I overheard sixth-grade girls telling each other which teachers they’ve had sex dreams about. I walked away not wanting to hear more or if I was named.
15. Consider Yourselves Warned
My first grader once came to school and told me that daddy drank too much last night and mummy made him sleep in the bathtub.
Another told me about the pubic hair grooming habits of her mother.
I’ve never gotten horrible gossip from my young students, but parents be aware, your family secrets are NOT secrets if your young kids know.
14. I Think It’s Time to Move Somewhere New
In one school I had heard that three students—all minors—had shot a racy tape and leaked it. In another school, I heard that two kids were called into the office and suspended because they’d shot at each other over the weekend. The saddest was two girls having a conversation about how one girl’s mother had remained dating a man who’d kidnapped and assaulted her (the mother) at gunpoint.
I didn’t work in a good school.
13. You Really Let the Cat Out of the Bag On This One
Two girls in the back of my theatre classroom would not stop talking. One of them seemed upset, so I asked them to keep it down. It continued, so I told them more firmly to pay attention. The upset girl promptly freaked out, said “WHAT THE F*** DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? I’M F***ING PREGNANT!” The entire class’s mouths dropped and I couldn’t think of anything to do but send her to the trauma counselor. Sure enough, yep—one of my sophomores had a baby the April before she became a high school junior.
12. Let’s See You Slither out of This Mess
I was the student… I told my first-grade teacher that one of my mom’s friends played with a snake for work. At first, my teacher thought it was a euphemism I’d heard & asked me privately after class what I meant. I happily explained that she was a “t***y Dancer” (a phrase my mom used) who used a boa constrictor in her dance & that I got to meet the snake backstage. I could tell she was obviously concerned and somehow in my brain, I thought telling her “But don’t worry she’s very careful not to get herself bit because the snake only likes to eat mice” would help.
The parent-teacher conference ended up in a yelling match and a visit from CPS.
11. We All Think Very High-ly of This Principal
One principal told me that she was dosed LSD by a student who put one or two hits in her coffee and just went about her day as normal, attended meetings, etc. She was familiar with the experience and didn’t need to go home. She waited for another day to discipline him and let him know the legal implications of what he had done and how serious the police would find it if she reported.
10. Some Truly Amazing Talents
I teach kindergarten and they really do share everything that goes on at home! During our morning meeting, one boy shared that his uncle was arrested over the weekend and would be in jail for a long time. I was curious so I asked what happened and he happily told me that his uncle was making lots of fake money!
Another time a student ran up to me and was so excited and the conversation went like this…
Boy: “Ms. V! My dad is so awesome! He’s so talented!”
Me: “Oh wow, that’s great! What is his talent?”
Boy: “Well he can chug a whole bottle of beer without stopping! Sometimes he drinks all six beers at night.”
Me: “Wow. That’s awesome. I’m proud of him.”
9. Finally, Something Positive!
Not juicy, just silly. Good kid stayed after class to show me his anime drawings and started rambling about his family dynamics. He told me that his parents are still very much in love and are often going on dates. Sweet! Then he told me that there’s a rule in the house that if the master bedroom door is closed you are to stay far away and never interrupt. Sometimes they’ll be in there for hours!
By the change in expression on his face, I could tell he just figured it out.
8. Definitely a Case of Bullying
Not a teacher, but I do volunteer for a middle school. Anyway, one of the students, a sixth grader, had sent a video of herself nude to a boy she liked. The boy had brought his phone to school the next day and showed everybody he talked to. He also had sent it to a group chat that had his whole class. The police had to come to the school to investigate. The girl was taken out of school by her parents, and the boy was expelled.
7. Mature for Her Age
This girl in the preschool class I teach always tells me little random stories about her mom getting pulled over for speeding, or spending time “drinking” with her friends. Well, last week we were on our way to a field trip and she saw a billboard for a beer company. I’m not sure what company but it had a beer can on it and she said very loudly “I love beer!” and I said “um…what?” and she repeated herself. So I said, “Stop, you’re being silly.” She said “No my daddy used to give it to me all the time. He stopped but sometimes he gives me sips of it and once he gave my sister a whole can!” I said “Oh silly, you mean ROOT beer!” and she said, “No, the beer only grown-ups drink!”
6. Umm… Fancy Meeting You Here!
The juiciest gossip was always about my fellow staff.
One of my students in the 11th grade came to school and told me she’d ran into my boss in the weirdest situation that weekend…
Turned out, my student was dating and sleeping with another student. That second student lived with his mother who had recently separated from the father after the mom was caught cheating.
The man she was cheating with was my boss, who was still married.
My student had run into him as they were both sneaking out of the same house early on Saturday morning.
Turned out to all be true.
5. Now That’s Just Silly
I work with preschoolers so the juiciest ones are: “He’s not invited to my birthday party!” and “My mom has a baby in her belly, I’m gonna name it Poop.”
4. Well That Escalated Quickly
I taught third grade and had to take a mix of students with me to dismissal. A former student—let’s call him B—was standing near me at dismissal. As his vehicle approaches, one of my current students—let’s call him J—waves at the woman driving. I let B in the car and go back to my post. J tells me B’s mom is really nice and I ask if they’re neighbors or if he plays with B after school. He shakes his head and says, “My dad and his mom are friends. They’re going to have a baby.” I stand there confused, knowing that J’s parents are married and had just met with me for a conference. He continues, “Well, we think they are having a baby, but my mom says the lady has a lot of friends and it might be E’s (a student from another class) dad. I hope it’s ours! I want a sister.”
3. Different Strokes for Different Folks
One of my seventh graders told me about how one of the more…interesting students in our class took a dump in his hand and hid the incriminating turd in his desk. Not sure if this qualifies as juicy but I heard this yesterday and have been looking for a place to share this lovely tidbit.
2. You Can’t Unread That Note
Story from a friend who is also a teacher. I don’t hold a candle to this one.
Students were passing notes in class. This is 8th grade in the US. After about a month they become comfortable and it started to interfere with class so it got to point where he confiscated one of their notes.
The students panicked. And really panicked. He said they apologized and told him to just throw it away. He said he’ll decide later and kept it.
He did read it. And a group about 8 students—half boys and half girls—would rotate sexual partners for anal sex only because they wanted to keep their virginity. This is their idea. He ended up having a conference with the parents one on one and it was a rough rest of the year.
1. A Pair of Jerks Can Cause a Lot of Trouble
A girl’s mom had been renting out a storage unit and using it to have sex with her daughter’s boyfriend. The girl and her boyfriend were only together because the mom suggested it to the boy, so he could hang around her without any questions. When it came out, her parents got divorced and her dad died in a drunk driving accident a month later trying to cope with it all. Really messed up.
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