People Share Their Cringiest Moments Of Embarrassment And Humiliation
“There are shades of schadenfreude. My favorite shade is bright red, from a haughty spanking.”—Jarod Kintz.
A loanword from the German language, “schadenfreude” describes the act of taking of pleasure in someone else’s pain. Not limited to mere physical pain, the best (and most common) schadenfreude derives from that sweet public humiliation.
The feeling doesn’t reflect humans at their best, but at least these Redditors were honest when asked to spill their most juicy tales of joy… at someone else’s expense.
There were the scary schoolyard (or office) bullies who fell on hard times (an American folktale shared in comfort at this point). There were the scornful exes who looked elsewhere for love and returned with nothing.
There were also bad drivers who made a wrong turn at Just Desserts Highway. Schadenfreude comes in all shapes and sizes. Laugh at these 42 delicious tales of delightful, well-deserved pain.
1. None of Your Doggone Dirty Business
My first job in NYC was at a pet food place. I was a brand rep for a local company, and I had to bug everyone who came in, trying to get them to buy one of our $3 sampler packs.
I wasn't allowed to give samples out, which is stupid—dogs will eat their own poop, so of course they'd eat our specially engineered, plant-infused, loose-stool-fixing treats, which would make their owners pick up a few bags, etc.
But usually, people just said, "No thanks."
One day I have to share a table with a rep from a rival company who's passing out free samples left and right. Goes without saying she's selling way more than I am. Finally, a woman comes in with two prissy little pugs in matching pink bows.
I make my speech, she ignores me. The rival rep throws a few treats down; the dogs, of course, gobble them up. The lady says, "OK, I guess I'll get a few packs."
As she goes to check out, a quiet sound fills the store:
hork hork hork
We all look. It's unmistakable. But we're too late to stop it.
hork hork hork
The first pug projectile-vomits all over the second pug. The second pug projectile-vomits all over the rival dog-food rep.
The woman slowly takes back the credit card she was handing over and rushes out of the store, her puke-covered dogs trailing behind.
The rival rep had to clean all the puke. I had to go outside I was laughing so hard.
2. Blockbuster
Maybe this counts. My wife was sick one morning and I went out to get her medicine and return a DVD to a RedBox machine. There was a couple with their child browsing the movies.
After waiting five minutes patiently, I told them that my wife was sick and asked if I could quickly return my movie since it would only take about 15 seconds. In a very rude tone, the wife told me that I could just wait my turn.
I wait a couple of minutes and the child starts crying because the vending machine does not have Gnomeo and Juliet and he doesn't want to watch Cars 2 again.
I then turn to the wife and show her that I was here to return Gnomeo and Juliet, but I can't wait for them any longer since my wife is sick, and I have until 9:00 pm to return it. I hopped into my car as the kid falls to the ground in a screaming, kicking temper tantrum.
3. Jack and Jill Went up the Hill…
At a large outdoor music festival: It had rained the previous night, and the concert grounds were very muddy.
To get to the porta-johns or beer tents you had to walk down a rather steep/dark decline to where rainwater had pooled in a culvert, before climbing up the other side to the vending area.
On my way down the hill, I took a bad spill and was covered in mud. Angrily wiping myself off, I began to notice that everyone seemed to be falling down the hill as I had.
After finally procuring some beer, my friend and I decided to just sit on the hill and watch people fall.
The hill turned out to be far more entertaining than the concert, so we sat there for more than an hour watching the seemingly endless stream of victims make their approach. Must have seen 300+ people take a digger on that hill. Funniest night ever.
4. High But Not Dry
A few years ago, I was in college, walking down the sidewalk to my next class. It had just finished raining heavily, and the road was punctuated by very large puddles. So, not a drop was falling, and I'm walking down the sidewalk, umbrella in hand.
Just an average Joe.
Coming my way are a group of four girls, very pretty, but really snobby-looking. The type who are so conceited, if you glance in their general direction, they're already sneering at you as if you're checking them out.
So as they're nearing me, I see a large, rusted pickup truck barreling my way down the road, at high speed...
Puddles. Redneck. People on the sidewalk...
I suddenly realized what's going to happen.
I immediately drop to a crouch, open my umbrella to the side facing the road. The girls are probably five feet in front of me. One of them says, in that snobby-girl voice, "Um, what the hell are you doing?" The other ones start laughing in chorus...
VRRRRROOOOOOMMMM!!!! SSSSssssSSSSPPPPLASHHHH!!!!
The truck swerves into the puddle, throwing a freaking ten-foot typhoon of muddy water up onto the sidewalk!
The truck blares its horn, continuing on its merry way. I can't believe it. NOT A DROP had touched me. My dork-looking ninja move had saved me.
The girls were all covered head to toe in filthy, college town muddy ditch water, soaked, hair all messed up, clothes stained, snotty looks frozen in astonishment.
Without missing a beat, I stand up and flatly state, "Keeping dry."
It was the most epic moment I have ever had.
