These Families Need Some Serious Therapy
A group therapy session would be a good start, but some of these nasty siblings, parents, and distant relatives are so bad that they're beyond help. Strap in for these stories that put the fun in dysfunctional.
1. Go Fetch!
I went to a BBQ party thrown by a friend of a friend. A woman there showed up with her ex-husband and his new girlfriend. It was a recipe for disaster, and it delivered. All three were under the influence and a bit too friendly with each other—while they weren't calling each other horrible names. With them was a two or three-year-old little girl. She was as cute as can be with a real light about her.
I vaguely remember them telling very inappropriate stories when the little girl said she was hungry. The father goes and gets the bag of McDonald's he had been grazing out of and pulls out a near full container of fries.
He then proceeds to grab a few and throw them on the lawn. The girl without missing a beat runs around picking them up off the lawn and eating them.
He repeats this over and over in front of all the other adults, who didn't seem to take an issue. It was like a game to him—one that he was clearly enjoying. The mom even smiled at it. My wife and I promptly left the party after witnessing that.
2. The Money Shot
We set up cameras over a year ago, as preparation for going no contact with my horrible parents, basically just my DNA donors. We had one for the front yard, one for the door, and one for the backyard.
They haven’t been around our place since we put the cameras up, at least until recently. Still, because both my older sisters come over regularly, we assumed the word would spread.
We have two warning stickers (required by law, one at the gate and one at the front door) and two obvious cameras they'd pass when coming in through the front door. Apparently, though, my sisters never noticed.
In about 25 visits combined, they didn't notice. Until last week, when one of my sisters suddenly pointed at the front door camera and asked why we installed cameras!
I asked her if she really never noticed before and said they had been up for a year. Burglary deterrent I told her, because we live in an older house and haven't remodeled yet, so the house isn't exactly difficult to break into.
And then gave her a big smile. She said laughingly (but kind of serious) that she doesn't give permission to use images with her on it, and I laughingly said back that's not how it works.
Now all my sisters know, because the word did spread. But something felt weird to me. She pointed to the camera immediately, after not seeing it for a year. Like someone told her it was there. So I went through the footage to see who saw the camera first, and what a reaction I got. It was beautiful. My father noticed it the second time he came around.
He looked up at where the camera was while waiting for me to open the door, visibly tensed up completely and just turned and walked away! He even left my younger sister at my door alone for a few seconds!
Then he must've heard me coming (or remembered his youngest daughter, you know), because he came speed walking back and had regained his composure by the time I got to the door.
When I had gotten my sister inside, he immediately speed walked off again, looking away from the camera (to hide his face? That's too late) and almost fell because he didn't look where he was walking.
After that, he only came to our home once more, to pick up my sister the next week. He tried to ignore the camera, but looked incredibly shifty.
He couldn't help himself apparently because he threw the most amazing "sucking a lemon" face I've ever seen right at it. I must've looked at both clips 10 times, laughing like crazy.
I think it was part relief that the cameras do work as a deterrent, part joy that he can't do anything about it, and part surprise at the comedic weirdness of it.
It almost looks like a silent slapstick movie. They still haven't noticed my warning stickers that we do have cameras, and they still haven't noticed the other cameras.
If anyone here with a bad family is hesitating whether or not to install cameras, do it. It makes you feel so much safer. You’ve got evidence if they try to do anything wrong, and these clips alone were definitely worth the money.
3. A Controversial Bun In The Oven
My awful sister-in-law getting some well-deserved karma. She’s currently “42” weeks pregnant. Except she’s been hiding a huge secret. She’s not actually that far along. She’s been lying about her due date to not look like she got pregnant right after we told her we were pregnant. We told her we were pregnant when I was 12 weeks along and they were the last to know.
They had a pretty strange, kind of angry reaction to us telling them.
They have no fertility problems and she said they were waiting 1-2 years to have kids because they had relationship issues to work out with a counselor before bringing kids into the mix. They got married quickly.
She said she was using the fertility awareness method to prevent and has said before that I was unnecessarily hurting myself with birth control when I was one it.
This woman shamed me for using birth control, shamed me for having a hospital birth, shamed me for a C-section, sent me disturbing pregnancy-related videos while I was pregnant, plagiarized my Instagram posts, “claimed”
baby names, sent out baby shower invites by text right after she found out I mailed mine, and has just been an overall jerk.
So now she’s in her 42nd week of being pregnant and still going ahead with her homebirth because she thinks hospitals are bad. Everyone has been bugging them constantly for the past two weeks and she’s worried she will need to be induced.
All of this because she won’t admit that they conceived quite a long while after we announced!
So it’s a bit amusing seeing her deal with the consequences of her lies and get stressed and having people bug her about having the baby.
I’m sure the narcissistic part of her likes the attention but also she’s squirming because she wants her birth plan to be perfect and Instagram-worthy but it doesn’t look like that will happen.
I really hope the baby and her are healthy and that she gets to go ahead with her ideal birth plan, but I’m enjoying her having to go through a waiting game after all the garbage she put me through.
Oh, she also shamed me for not going to her baby shower when my baby was in the NICU.
4. Home Is Where The Drama Is
My boyfriend’s cousin Karen is an idiot, and her husband Todd and their kids aren’t much better. There had been a terrible fire in Karen and Todd's home and while they and their kids were unharmed, their possessions were destroyed.
They did have insurance, but claimed that they couldn't afford a hotel room till things got sorted out.
Normally, my boyfriend's parents would have allowed them to stay at their place, but they were out of town and wouldn't return until a couple of days later.
Plus, they knew better than to let this family have free rein over their house. My boyfriend's sister was likewise suddenly "unwell and unable to have guests in her home". I DO NOT blame her one bit. I would have done the same.
So the responsibility to be there for family fell squarely on my boyfriend's shoulders. He agreed to let them stay in his guest bedroom until his parents got back.
I tried to talk him out of it but my man is kind and caring to a fault. It's what I love about him the most, but sometimes it's also the one thing I wish I could change about him. We lived to regret this act of kindness. Anyway, I had been out of town for a few days and he picked me up from the airport and we went straight to his place.
Karen and Todd acted happy to see me. Of course they did. What choice did they have? After a surprisingly quiet and peaceful dinner, we decided to go to bed. This is how the conversation that followed went. Him: Karen, we are going to bed.
If your kids are going to watch TV, just make sure the volume is down. Karen: What do you mean “we”? You can't sleep in the same room. Not while my kids are here.
Him: What??? Karen: You can live a sinful lifestyle all you want, but I don't want my kids exposed to it. I don't want to have to explain to them why a man and a woman who are not husband and wife are sleeping in the same bed.
It'll be a bad influence on them. Him: You're in my home Karen, you can't enforce your rules here. Just go to bed and keep your nose out of where it doesn't belong.
Todd: She's right you know, you really shouldn't be sleeping together if you're not married. But if you're gonna do that anyway, you should just go to her place. I was so proud of what he did next. Him: I have a better idea. Why don't you pack your stuff and get the heck out of MY apartment? Karen (wiping off invisible tears): How could you say that? We’re family. Why would you try to cruelly traumatize our kids with your sinful lifestyle?
Him (now raising his voice): I haven't started to get "cruel" yet. Just pack your things and go stay in a hotel room.
Todd being the slightly more sensible one, knew that my boyfriend meant business and he somehow got his wife to go to the guest room.
He then apologized to my boyfriend and spewed some kind of garbage about his wife being upset due to recent events (the fire) and that she didn't know what she was saying.
It was all just an excuse for her behavior. My boyfriend told him they could stay, but to remember that he wasn't going to be pushed around in his own home. Later on, as we were busy engaging in our “favorite”
activity, my dramatic side had the urge to scream loud enough for the entitled family to hear me. But, as I didn't want to muddy the waters anymore, I decided against it.
